Went all out
Spring Break '05 is over. I had my trip to New Orleans. It was cold and it rained, so it seems I ended up eating and drinking a lot.

I can only remember one time when my weight was more than it is now. It was an unhappy and overstressed time.It was during the time of when I was the network manager at Pasco-Hernando community college. Long days and weekends. junk food. stress. unhappy. i got up to 255 pounds. clothes didn't fit. i was 51 years old.

I left that job... my contract was unexpectedly not renewed. It felt like i got fired. I packed my office and came home. i went to bed for about 1 month. I quit eating, except for the one or two bowls of cereal a day. i quit drinking and going out to eat at night. Slowly my weight dropped to just under 200 pounds... maybe 195. i was severely depressed. People would see me and comment on how great I looked. If only they really knew. This was the depression diet, and it worked for me. I wouldn't recommend it.

I got some direction in my life and started teaching part-time and doing some anti-depressant meds. Eventually I got full time work and started feeling better. The weight started to come back on. That was about 5 years ago.

I think I put on about 25 pounds in the last year alone. I don't really know why... I think my depression is under control.

I can't stand myself now, and have only a few pair of slacks that fit, and a few shirts that aren't too tight in my gut. My feelings of self worth are rather low right now.

I was going to start loosing weight again after the first of the year, but had guests coming to stay with us, and i wanted to take them out to fine restaurants. so i put it off until they left. the had to postpone their trip, so i got a late start... oh, and then spring break trip to new orleans.... no sense on dieting before.

so, i'm back, and i can't think of any excuses now, so i'm going to start the Atkins diet. I did it once before and worked well. i just got too crazy about carbs, but it worked. so i will see if i can modify this at some point and do a South Beach approach.

I also know that the nights out after class at Bennigan's where I drink 3 or 4 beers and eat the wrong stuff.. and eat too late at night. so my excuse about this is that I enjoy the people that i'm with and they are my social group now.

so i am also thinking about getting a personal trainer. sherry did and she wants me to join her for workouts an do this together. i might. we'll see.